It's spring and it's finally starting to feel like it. A time when we all come out of the shadows of winter and our hibernation to move into the sunshine and light of rebirth and new life. The growth I've been experiencing and the insights I've gained over the winter and into this hesitant spring have been intense to say the least. Growth is rarely easy or comfortable and yet knowing this doesn't change the experience. So much has been stirred up and what to do with it has been the ultimate question. An overwhelming one at that.
If you know me you might not think of me as someone who has been living in the shadows. On the other hand if you follow any of my social media or subscribe to my love letter emails, you know that I hardly ever put myself out there in the proverbial spotlight. The truth is I've lived most of my life very shy and I've learnt to keep to myself and rarely share how I really feel, with anyone nevermind the masses. However recently I've been feeling more of a pull or perhaps push to share more about life as it unfolds for me. So this is a place where I share what I know to be true about life. It's a place where I feel safe to be me, and to share how life is teaching me about life. I may not put it all out there on the table, but as much as I can, I want to share my growth because maybe just maybe it will help someone out there feel comfortable being themselves too.
Something I never thought I'd be is a public speaker. Through teaching yoga and practicing Reiki I have come to realize skills and gifts I wasn't previously aware of. One I am constantly blown away by is how I can sit in front of a room of people and still find words coming out of my mouth. For someone who always had a fear of speaking in public growing up, I never thought I'd be able to do what I do in yoga classes. I not only talk but I actually end up having a lot to say. The real kicker of it is, the words aren't even mine.
If you've ever been to one of my yoga classes, you may have noticed the spiritual undertone, or overtone as the case may be, in the words that accompany the shapes we make. There are often, what I've come to understand as, messages from Spirit coming through me when I'm guiding a yoga practice. Especially in the restorative classes, the pace of the practice lends to my ability to move from the surface of where we are in that room together, into the depths of our souls together. I open up and I channel what needs to be said in those moments. I have found a way to sit in that seat and connect to Spirit and to those hearts and funnel through the messages intended for those present in that moment. It's actually magical. I feel the magic too because just as much as anyone in that room, I need to hear those words too. This connection to Spirit in this way is such a blessing and I know it is my gift to share but I'm still learning how to do that.
To feel comfortable talking about this sort of thing has been very challenging for me. I've learned through some deep meditation revelations that life experiences have programmed me to keep quiet and not share these things with the outside world. For fear of judgement, ridicule, embarrassment, upsetting those I care about - all of these learned conditions that I thought made me have to be someone else and not my natural self. My natural way of being was not acceptable by all so I better not show it and therefore spend most of my life observing and imitating, rarely finding my own voice or opinion. These things have been changing for a long while now, but this most recent understanding of the possible roots of my shyness around my psychic abilities has really shaken things up.
What I know to be true now is that I no longer want to keep what is true for me in the shadows. The voice i have found for Spirit to travel through me as a channel for messages of love is truly amazing. I am proud of this ability and I do want to share it with as many as possible. I have a variety of different options right now to join me and perhaps hear exactly what you need to hear right now to feel supported and loved right now. Check out my meditation workshops at Kula & iGita, retreats in Ontario and Portugal, or stay tuned to Facebook or Instagram for announcements about meditation circles in my Healing Room. I'm here to be of service.
I know these gifts can help others. It's already been happening, the difference here is that I'm finally pushing myself to talk more about it. Thank you for tuning into my first official blog post. My sharing here is always going to be from my heart and as honest as I can with myself. If no one ever reads this that's perfectly ok, I just wanted to put it out there.
PS. Thanks to Kimchee for pulling me outside everyday to experience all of the seasons, and for mirroring me to teach me about myself. It's as if my heart is walking around in that fur coat kissing me endlessly to remind me I am loved. Thank you baby doggie, mommy loves you!